Rumbling

Ever notice that when you first start a diet you feel really hungry?

Yesterday was the first day of school. That means that I am waking up 3 hours earlier than I have been AND that means that eating breakfast 3 hours earlier. By the time I got to my last client of the day my stomach was doing flip flops.
My eating schedule is all messed up!!!

However, I am looking forward to the more structured day so I can actually have an eating schedule.

*

Anyway, my first day back to work and I had several comments made about my weight. Most of which went like this: "You look good, it looks like you kept off the weight"

Part of me was flattered, part of me was like What the f*ck?

It took me about an hour but really - I'm over it. Unfortunately, in my line of work I have gotten some pretty insensitive remarks if not down right rude. It's obviously their issue and not mine.

*

Moving on, I am hoping that I can become a morning exercise person. Due to the fact that I work 12 hours most days - by the time I get home my ass is drawn to the couch...not the bike. So I talked to the Gym teacher at school (he is a 5am runner) and he said that given time and a lot of motivation its easy and your body will adjust. So my plan is over the next week or so to try to get up a half hour earlier (to do at least half a p90x workout).

This is going to be a big challenge as I am NOT a morning person, but it will be my best shot at actually getting in some work.

I can do this.

So I guess I should go to bed if I am going to be an earlier riser.
Lots of love
-K

Motivating Factor

I just finished reading an e-mail from a really fabulous friend. She wrote in response to my lackluster blog (yesterday)... in fact her e-mail was so long that my blackberry couldn't support it so I had to go to my computer. Then I decided I should write.

I had a dream last night (and I love dream analyzing) about food. I was part of a competition to put together meals at a carnival that would be healthy and nutritious.
That pretty much sums up my life. I feel like I am competing with myself (on most days) to eat healthy and stay on track in a crazy carnival full of bad choices and unhealthy food.

Anyway, I am gearing up for a day full of meetings and a weekend of outings with my cousin (who is coming into town tonight). I am putting my game brain on. I feel good today, which usually helps me make good choices.

Catch ya on the flip side
-K

p.s. JWils I love you too! Thank you for the motivation!

These are two websites that my friend shared, I checked them out briefly but they seem really interesting(and motivating):

http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/about

http://veganheartdoc.blogspot.com/

Trouble

This week has been busy. Between multiple venue appointments, crazy client visits, late night er visits and eye twitching that could make someone insane I have not taken good care of my own needs.

I am having a lot of trouble getting back on the band wagon.
I am struggling to get my head back in the game.
I need some motivation.

I went back and read some of my eariler posts. I need to find my way back to that place.

Any motivation tips?

*
School starts on Monday. A routine will hopefully help me. That's usually when I do my best. When I have the structure.

On a positive note: I did lose 8 pounds this summer. Despite the many celebrations and birthdays.

Much love
-K

Certifiable

So we are officially Internationally Certified Scuba Divers! And my body is paying for it.

Apparently, my body is extremely positively buoyant. I needed to carry an extra 40 pounds of weight to get myself to sink. Not only did I need to have three people help me stand up once I got all my gear on, but I fell flat on my back when attempting to walk up the beach.

Naturally this has me thinking about my body and my weight. Fat floats, its less dense than water therefore creating a positively buoyant body. This does not make me feel so great about my body.
I also think I look terrible in a wet suit, all I could think was beached whale, beached whale!

This furthers my motivation to lose the poundage.

However, when I put on the first 20 pounds of weight (which is attached to a belt) all I could think about is: I used to weigh more that this (I used to carry almost 30 more pounds on my body) and this sucks. To carry the weight that I once carried (and thankfully, no longer do) did make me feel a lot better about the weight I have lost.

That is motivation to keep the poundage off.

*

I am going to enjoy my rainy day off.

-K

Men: read with caution

I'm having one of those days. You know, the type where you crave chocolate all day long, go from crying to cursing someone out in .5 seconds and just want to go to bed.

Currently, I am someone most people want to avoid because they are not sure what this person will do in any given moment.

This week my dog got sick, got into a few arguments with loved ones, and today on my way to a clients house my car broke down...in the middle of an intersection. Needless to say I had what closely resembled a nervous breakdown sitting in my immobile vehicle while passerby's yelled, honked and told me I should move while not offering to help me move.

On top of it all I have some of the worst cramps I have had in ages and a headache that could crush a 500 pound man.

*

I just want to eat some chocolate.

So I will.

My wonderful fiance greeted me at the door when I finally arrived home with a hug and some chocolate. I won't gorge myself, I just really need to do it for myself, my cramps and some sanity.

I read an article this week about nurturing your bodies wants. That if you give it what it craves (in moderation) that you will find yourself more satisfied and more healthy. So today I am giving it what it wants. I had eggos for breakfast (the whole wheat special k ones that are like 70 calories each-yippee!) I got a skinny latte while shopping/laundering, ate some watermelon , had a pepper and moz salad for lunch and some pesto pasta with veggies for dinner. All very satisfying (even though the rest of my body is screaming, my tummy is happy) and all within my "limits." I gotta get back to eating more fruit and veggies - but since my car broke down before my supermarket trip - that may have to wait until I can actually get to the supermarket.

But here is to a better day. While the next few days are crazy (with a conference tomorrow, early morning scuba Saturday and a family party Sunday) I am going to give it all my effort to stay on top of myself.

I usually find it the hardest to come back after I have been off track for a while. These are the times that I have to work extra extra hard, and so I will try.

But for now, I am going to have my chocolate.

Love!
-K

I'm baaack!

Phew! The past few weeks have put me into a tailspin.

I have had the most incredible (and busy) summer! With that said, a few things happened (and didn't happen) that I was not planning on. Which means that some of my goals were not quite met, but I am okay with that. Honestly.

I got two messages this morning saying that I needed to come back to the blog. So here I am. Getting myself back to where I want to be.

I did, unfortunately, gain 2 pounds in the last few weeks. Considering the amount of "fun" I have been engaging in I am okay with it.

My friend actually sent me quite the motivational e-mail. I have to give her props too. She did something that us "average" girls strive for and judge all the "skinny" girls for doing (out of jealousy). I am so proud of you!
She also told me that someone referred to me as "skinny" - HOW COOL! I love that. I know that its petty and silly, but it just feels so good when someone you don't know or just met calls you skinny. It feels good.

So I am going to continue to work on my goals, eat better, and exercise almost daily. AND blog consistently again.

Last week and a half of summer and I'm keeping it real! Ha.

Love,
-K

Missing in Action

I know that I have been away from my beloved blog for too long.

As hard as it is to admit..I must do it.
I have not been taking care of myself the way I want to or should be. As much as I want to blame the celebrations and the weekends away its all on me. I have to take full responsibility for being MIA with regards to my goals.
I need to take responsibility for putting my health to the way side and get back on track for real. I also (and this is the hard part) need to forgive myself and need to move past this.
This weekend I am, again, going to be away. However, my friend (who has been super supportive) promised lots of exercise to make up for any poor food and beverage choices made.

Starting next week I am promising to go back to blogging at least 4 times a week and going back to keeping track of everything that I put into my body.

Until then I am going to make better choices and get my head back in the game. After all I have a wedding to prepare for, and in the words of my awesome trainer I am "going to be one kick ass bride"!!!!!!!!

See you all on Monday!
Love
K

Brain Mush

I have been on vacation mode for too long.

I need to get back on track.

I have been celebrating a lot the last week.

However, thanks to my new found motivation (thank you left hand ring) I will be reaching my goal soon.

Also, I want to thank you all for your continued love and support. It really means so much to me!!!!

Love
K

The Proposal

I have had several requests for "the story" of the proposal. I don't want to put the whole thing on Facebook so I figure anyone who really wants to know it can find my blog and read it here.

Thursday was my 26th birthday. I had to work then went and got a drink with two of my friends. Tom had texted me asking what time I'd be home and I guessed somewhere around 430. I got home around 4 and he was all upset that I was home early and that my present had not arrived yet (via UPS) and that I needed to hide. I also was not allowed to go into the refrigerator. UPS guy shows up about 5 minutes later. I hear Tom rustling around to wrap the just arrived gift but when he is done he tells me that I can't open it until after dinner because "its a night time present." I don't put too much thought into it - as in my family we almost always opened gifts after dinner and cake.
I had told Tom that I wanted to go to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner. There are 3 in the "area" one in Waltham (where we live) and 2 in the Boston area. Tom was asking (and in my opinion -though he disagrees- being a little pushy) if I wanted to go to the one in Boston. Me being logical thought it was silly to take the subway all the way into Boston just to eat, especially when the same place is right here in our town, and on top of that weather was forecasting rain - I did not want to get stuck walking around Boston in the rain. He relented, and agreed to go to the one in Waltham.
So we eat (and it was yummy) and towards the end of our meal Tom was talking about doing something after we ate. He mentioned the river walk (a nice serene walking site in town) and then said that we should go get a birthday drink. I, again, somewhat objected and said that I didn't really need to have a birthday drink and I was content with just having our nice dinner and going home. Tom, now beginning to act a little odd, said that he thought I deserved a birthday drink and that we were going to get one. Alright, I could get a cocktail. So we go have our drink and I am somewhat aware that he is acting funny (but if you know Tom, this could be for many reasons) I ignore it.
We go home and I sit on the couch to hang with Sasha, our dog. Tom asks me if I want my present - he hands me a box and a card. The box had a necklace in it with the infinity symbol, its pretty awesome, then he tells me that the present is actually two parts and that the other part is in the fridge and I need to close my eyes. So I am sitting on the couch with my eyes closed and I hear him clinking around and I think I bet its champagne -because we tend to drink it on holidays and special occasions.

He tells me I can open my eyes, and he is on one knee in front of me holding a ring* and I pretty much immediately start to cry as he asks me to marry him.

Sasha, sensing something is up, literally runs over and jumps into my lap making it really hard to hug and kiss Tom, so after shoving her out of the way (sorry pooch) I say YES and cry some more.

By the way, Tom did have Champagne ready for our celebration.

* The ring.
About a year ago Keri, my sister, came to visit us. We picked her up in Boston and went to Faneuil Hall and did some shopping. We went into one of my favorite little stores, Geoclassics, that specializes in precious and rare stone jewelry. I had pointed out to Tom a ring that I fell in love with- a round cut yellow sapphire with two diamond side stones.
Guess what ring he gave me. Yep, the exact ring I had pointed out to him more than a year ago.

It is all just so very perfect.


So needless to say this weekend we have not only been celebrating my birthday, but now an engagement! Talk about the ultimate motivator to get my butt in shape!

Lots of love,
Kate

26 years

Thank you to all my friends and family who sent me birthday love.

I love you all so much!

So far I have had a fantastic day. Thanks, much in part, to all of you!

Love
-K

Amazing

Yesterday was a really tough day for me. I can't really explain why other than just having a really self defeating kind of day.

I want to take this time to thank all my amazing friends and family who, after yesterdays post, have given me all the love and support (plus a whole lot more) that has helped me have a better day today. Even more - all of you reminded me to keep my head up and you sent your love out to me. In fact you did that so well that today I am radiating with all of your positive feedback.

For that reason alone, I am SO glad that I created this blog. Without putting my own bad mood on this blog I would never have received the love and support (that was so desperately needed) from all of the people who matter to me the most. I am pretty certain, knowing my track record, that had I not gotten the support from you I would have fallen completely off the wagon. I would let this week defeat me.

A good friend reminded me today that enjoying a week like this in an indulgence, and having an indulgence is okay as long as you don't overindulge. I like that sentiment. Making choices that are good/okay/better for me (but may not be the best) and enjoying them, so long as I have an end date to this indulgence - Sunday.

I also need to accept that this is going to happen to me from time to time and that I will need to work with the consequences, even if its a weight gain.

I gripped to my trainer last night about my bad attitude and my lack of exercise and poor food choices. He simply responded: "It will all come back to you, you just need to make it happen." Make it happen, Kate. So that's what I am going to have to do.

Tonight we are going to a Bistro in town. I looked at the menu and picked out a few things that will be good choices (of course they are the more pricey ones) and I will pick between those few things.

As for tomorrow.. I already know what I am eating so I just have to plan the rest of my day around that.

Again, thank you all so much. I could not do this without you. I love you.

I am ending with this quasi-quote of the day. Its from an e-mail that a (male) friend of mine sent me and brought a tear to my eye, it was very much appreciated.

"I also wanted to tell you something that more men should tell women: you are enough just the way you are, you are loved, and no matter what shape and size you decide is best for you you're perfect in my book. You are a radiant joy and I miss being around you."

Love
-K

optimism will be left at the door

Woof.

That is how I feel today.

That is how I feel like I look today.

I had a fun weekend. We went to NH with some friends and ate and drank, a lot. Then I went to Provincetown with 2 of my best friends and continued to eat and eat. On top of that - Today a client of mine decided that she needed to feed me chicken and cake for my birthday.

After all this eating and drinking...I feel gross. I have not worked out in 5 days and I feel it.

I am feeling quite anxious about the next few days too. Tomorrow is second family celebration, Thursday is my actual birthday then Friday we leave to go back to New York. Enter more food and drink.

As much as I planned for this to happen, I still was not ready for it.

I have training tonight and plan on busting my butt then spending a bunch of time at the gym/p90x-ing it tomorrow.

Today I am feeling pretty negative. Tomorrow will be better (hopefully).

Love.
-K