Perspective

As I shared with many of you Tom and I had engagement pictures done last week. Our photographer is awesome for several reasons. Not only did she take some AMAZING pictures of us, but she made me feel beautiful! Talk about ego boost!

Anyway, I am posting because my sister sent me an e-mail that I felt compelled to share some of....

On a funnier note, I was at my local wine shop this evening picking up a bottle when I overheard the shop assistants (who are all related) talking about their bodies. One of the older women in the family was grabbing her belly and saying that she had rolls of fat around her stomach. Her younger brother was rubbing his belly like buddha and telling his niece that she was going to end up looking like him if she kept eating the chocolate she was munching on. It really struck me as funny because, in the US, all three of these people would be considered quite normal looking. Before I could offer my thoughts, the guy turned to me and said (roughly translated), "We're a bunch of nice-looking fatties, but you've lost so much weight recently!" I thought about saying something to the effect that, yes I had but there's still quite a bit I'd like to lose, especially when I saw that they considered themselves fat. Instead, I said, "Yes, I have but I wasn't fat, I was robust!" which all three of them got a big kick out of and responded with a chorus of "yeahs!". It's been instructive to me living in Italy that people in some ways seem to be even more obsessive about weight (and much more likely to point out someone else's weight gain!) than Americans, but in other ways it almost seems like it's a healthier attitude because they talk about it more honestly to the point that it's actually considered affectionate to call someone a "fatty." I have to say, it felt pretty good to make a joke about my weight issues rather than focusing on the fact that I still feel like I have a reasonably long road ahead of me.

I have always admired my sister. I am aware that she has a certain perspective of herself, however the last few visits we have had I have been WOW!!!ed by her progress and her new bod. You look awesome, T!

Just like a good photographer who knows how to find and make things beautiful, its all perspective. Sometimes just being able to see things from other peoples perspectives can shine a new light on how we view ourselves... even if it's only a glimpse.

Love.

"I feel bee-you-tee-full"

My second job.
Most of the time I hate having a second job (mostly because I want the time back for myself) however there are days like today when it pays off. I have been working with this incredible young woman for almost 2 years now - 13 years ago she was in a terrible accident which left her with multiple disabilities.
Today when I got to her house she was in rare form. She grabbed me by my hand and said to me "I've been waiting to show you something" I am dragged into her room where she shows me a bottle of electric blue nail polish and she states "Isn't it the most beautiful thing you have ever seen." I am not so impressed with the nail polish but agree that it is pretty cool.
As she is the only woman in a house with 7 other men (and only male staff) she convinces me to help her apply the "most beautiful nail polish she has ever seen."
When we finish up, she looks at me with excitement and sincerity and says "I feel beeeeuuuutiful."

On my drive home I realized how much I take for granted. Here is a young woman who has all the reason in the world to be angry - and she thinks a small thing like blue nail polish makes her the most beautiful person on the planet.

God. I want that.

Every once in a while I am thanked by a client (or their staff/family) for "helping" but so often I am thankful for learning something from them.

I just needed to share.

Why not eat your cake?

This http://http://anotherpieceofcake.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/for-once-im-siding-with-marie-claire is amazing.

This is one of the blogs that I follow. She doesn't talk about calories, or post pictures of her food. She writes responsibly and with cause. This is what I strive for.

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I know in my previous posts I discussed my calorie intake and even posted pictures of what I was eating. Now I realize that it was obsessive, irresponsible and NOT healthy (in several ways).

One of the most difficult parts of my life over the past few years has been gaining more and more self awareness everyday. (I have been pretty blessed to have some amazing counselors, supervisors, mentors and friends who have helped me become aware of who I am - I would not have been able to do that on my own). However, with that self awareness comes accepting certain things about myself that I can't change, and realizing things about myself that I CAN'T STAND and now I am trying to figure out how to work on changing those things.

One of those things I can't stand is my relationship with food. The best way to describe it is love/hate. I love to eat and hate the feelings I have after I eat, be it the engorged feeling, the feelings of guilt....you get the point.
I want to be someone who doesn't have to think about it, who doesn't obsess over it. Someone who doesn't feel the need to micromanage every damn calorie that I put into my body. However, I also don't want to be the person that "gives up" and binges on an entire bag of Doritoes or eats 3 brownies for lunch, just because "I'll start my diet tomorrow." I just want to have a neutral relationship with food...I think.

Another thing is my body image. This is a work in progress. I am still trying to figure out how to work this one out.
Things I have been considering to help increase a good self image:
Joining a Goddess group.
Putting a ban on any and all fashion,"womens health" and all the other crap magazines out there that lead me to compare myself to a standard that is out-freaking-rageous.
Cutting myself off from the rest of the world so I have nothing else to compare myself to.

Also, I think in order for me to get a handle on a positive self image I need to STOP posting everything I eat in the day. I think that was counteractive to my ultimate goals, and will hopefully put off some of my obsessional food thoughts and habits.

My ultimate goals are still pretty much the same. I am adding a goal to decrease obsessional thoughts about food and numbers.

With that thought I am going back to creating the "Mantra Wall" for my office, and I will start practicing what I preach.

xoxo
Kate

Guilty as charged

I am totally guilty of exactly this. A pal of mine posted this link on facebook and here I am now: writing in my blog at work. It spoke to me that much.

While I totally want to be "thin" and healthy I do NOT want to be what this article talks about.

I often worry about "borderline" eating disordered symptoms. I binge, I overexert myself, and I give up completely (which often means I eat two brownies for lunch). I have some food obsessions and often when I diet it can become pretty intense (Side note: this is, of course, all relative) which is concerning because that is NOT the type of inspiration I want to put off to other people.

I struggle with finding the balance. How do you do it?

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I'm coming back to the blog. This was one of the few things that kept me grounded over the summer.
I need to work out my food issues, my body image issues and my weight loss issues. I plan on using this tool for myself.
I think when I started this blog, I was doing it not only for me but for others approval as well. That needs to stop.
As much as I love and appreciate all of my friends and family who read this, I need to put myself ahead of your approval. It's not to sound mean or rude, but I think too many women seek out others approval, especially when it comes to our bodies.
With that being said, I would still love the support. The links and the articles and the kind words are all appreciated.
Also, I can garuntee that I will still be hurt by peoples judgements, but I will work on being mindful that it is THEIR issue and not mine. However, I can also garuntee that I will still be humbled by all of the love and support you have all shown me.

I will let you know what I have been up to in a near future post.

With love,
Kate

Hello Again

Jessica e-mailed me this and it spoke to me.




<3

Here

I'm still going. Wedding stuff has taken over my free time and a majority of our apartment space. Once things calm down and we get all the major things and people booked I will be back more regularly.

I made a kick-ass workout mix yesterday.

I have been waking up early...but not working out. I am hoping that I can get on that this week. Although a friend of mine may join my gym, which would be sweeeet!

<3

Thank God for girlfriends

I had a post all planned out for tonight - Cheeky, fun and diet related. Then, after an interesting day at work I decided to go out to dinner with a friend of mine and our conversation made me decide to write about my girlfriends.

While we were at dinner we were talking about people that we admire and some of the amazing women we work with. I realized that I don't tell my girlfriends (enough) how much I appreciate, admire and love them.

I hate to name names in my blog, especially when I don't give you a heads up, so watch out for your initials.

L.Z. - I am SO glad that I took the job at LPS. Not only has it been an interesting learning/working experience but it led me to you. You have listened to me gripe about nonsense and understood my anxiety. You allow me to wear my heart on my sleeve without judgment and I am so glad that we met. Thanks for the amazing conversation tonight!

J.W. - I have known you forever, and I think because of that I don't tell you often enough (if ever) that I am so proud of you. I totally admire you and all the hard work you do. Not only in your professional life, but with your running and your stamina and your desire to keep going. I know that sometimes things get tough for you (trying to juggle all the awesomeness that you do), but I think you are amazing and I look up to you. I also think its effing awesome when they out your picture in those newspapers. I love you!

S.C. - Man, am I so glad we became friends. You have been so grounding for me the past few years. I feel like you get me. I know that no matter what I say or do you will accept me for it. You have always been honest with me and you have always told me what I need to hear when its most needed. You are incredibly strong and you have some totally admirable qualities. I love you!

D.W. - You are amazing. For as long as I have known you you have supported me and helped me along all my life trials and tribulations. I know we joke, but I am so glad you are "so girly" it allows my inner giddy girl to come out when its needed. You have also been incredibly (above and beyond) supportive of this blog and the changes I have been trying to make, and I can't even express how much that means to me.

C.B. - I miss you like whoa. However, no matter the distance or how long we go without talking I know that I can pick up the phone and start off from where we left off. You have always looked out for me (even if it meant telling my mom on me and getting me in trouble) and I am so thankful to have such an amazing friend in you.

Seesters - I love you guys so much. I really could not have asked for cooler or better sisters. I know that no matter what I can always talk to you, about anything.

To all my Girlfriends - I am sorry that I did not single you out. But believe me I am thinking about you. I would not be who I am today and who I will grow into tomorrow without all of you. You have been my rocks, the loves of my life and most of all my amazing girlfriends.

Feeling overwhelmed by grateful-ness (if thats possible).

Love
-K