Rant!

First Impressions.

This is something that has come up a few times over the last few months and I felt compelled to discuss...with myself-in the car-while stuck in traffic (yea, I am that person).

Tom has gripped in the past about the judgements I have made about people after only meeting them for the first time. Almost always, they are positive. We have discussed and argued this "habit" of mine. This is usually what it looks like: I think he is too negatively judgemental (and he feels that he can always be proven wrong) and he thinks I set myself up for disappointment (which I don't know that I have ever been that disappointed).

I have met, dealt with and lived with A LOT of seriously negative people. People who don't see the good in others, who only focus on peoples faults, who judge others by the way they look/dress, who constantly have only negative things to say...about everything. YUCK. I find this SO ridiculously draining.

I had a conversation with a co-worker a while ago that has stuck with me. She and I were talking about something personal to which she replied something like this: we never truly know what other people are dealing with, and that it would be unfair of me to judge others based on my first impressions.

Simple. AND I think its true.

I have bad days. Sometimes I am dressed like a bum and don't wash my hair. Sometimes I say the wrong thing to people I have just met or get/feel awkward. Sometimes I can be withdrawn and reticent.

If all the people I know and love judged me on those days I would have no friends. Period.

And the fact is, most people have NO IDEA what goes on for others. None. My WORST day could be a pretty decent day for someone else. Who am I to judge "how good people have it" or say "I feel so bad for them"??? How do I know what's really going on? Who am I to say that a person is an ass/dbag/tool (insert negative assumption here) when I have no idea who or what this person is about the I meet them?

*Sometimes I get into these rants about how some people I know complain about their lives and I just.cant.fathom.why?!? But it's all relative. The things I have been through and dealt with are WAY different than what others have been through and dealt with. We all experience pain and hardship differently. But I am pretty sure we have all FELT pain and THAT is something I can empathize with.*

ANYWAY, back to my point. Yes. I like to positively judge most people when I first meet them. Why not? What do I have to lose? It's not like I am putting my faith in this new person, or promising my first born child. OF COURSE people that I have initially thought were cool turned out to be not so cool (and I am reminded of these miss-judgements by several people, which by the way is annoying) but really they have not been disappointments, its just a change of opinion.

What I have found disappointing is when I have invested my time in a relationship and have put my beliefs and faith into that said relationship and it is not given the same respect in return. That has ALWAYS been more disappointing than any of the "wrong" first assumptions I have made about others.

Why is it so hard for people to see something good in others...even if you have only known them for a few moments? I know I would rather be "judged" positively upon first impression than have to change a persons mind...and frankly I probably wouldn't want to be friends with a person who initially judged me negatively.

I am human, so there are people who I don't view so positively, but usually for good reasons and after I get to know more about them.

Like Anne Frank said:"I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart"


Like I said I make negative assumptions about people from time to time...for example when I cuss out old ladies when they cut me off in traffic...but maybe their partner just had a massive heart attack and they are racing to get to the hospital to be by their side...

xo

I CAN DO THAT!

POMANDER madness!

I found these amazing DIY pomander tutorials online (I will find it, and share soon) and was determined to make my own. It's made out of coffee filters and crayola watercolor. I die cut the flowers and pinned them to the styrofoam ball. The color came out odd, but its purple and red. It currently hangs over Tom's dresser, Ha!

xo

The Room

*Note the signage...it reminds me why I spend my time in that room!

This is my workspace...we won't be here long, but its pretty fucking sweet ;)

It's a disaster area, but it works for me. I tend to work well in organized chaos.

More to come!

NEW!

I want to turn a new leaf. Whatever that means.

I have been away from the bloggosphere for a while now, and over the last month have been thinking about if I should go back/what to write about/why am I doing it.

Initially, I started this blog because I needed support. I wanted to lose weight. While that’s almost always true I want this to be about more. I want it to be an avenue for something bigger, better and more of what I am forever searching for.

Yet, I often struggle with what that means. What am I searching for??? I’m content, but often feel like I need to do something more. What the hell does that mean?

After putting a ton of thought into this (and being harassed a by a few people) I decided I do, in fact, want to come back to the blogger. I like to write, especially about myself. What? I’m a tad egocentric, sue me. What I want to write about is my “journey” what I am doing with myself and who I want to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m pretty awesome, but there are certain things that I envy in others and want for myself. So, rather than feeling that ugly word I want to do something about it. I want to get as close as possible to the Ultimate Me I have pictured in my head.

So this is what I have decided I want to do. For now anyway.

Learn to upcycle stuff.
This is a concept that I LOVE. I have so many ideas my head may explode. Now I need to inherit *cough* some power tools and I know someone who has a house full of stuff dying to be upcycled. Little sister, I forsee some bondage time in NY happening real soon!

Go back to doing Yoga.
I recently experienced a VERY scary panic attack. Knowing that there is nothing you can do to stop it once it starts is (for me) the worst part – control issues much? So I want to relax more, be a little more flexible, centered and grounded. There is a Yoga studio up the road from me that is 50 bucks for the first month for unlimited classes. I, no doubt, will not be able to afford the classes afterwards, but for one month I am going to take full advantage.

Lose these damn pounds.
Enough said. I know that I am one of those people that is almost never satisfied with my weight, but I will try my hardest to accept what I can be.

Save some moooola.
This is a much easier thing to say than to do. But friends, we may need to find some real cheap (free?) things to do if we want to hang out. I read this little quip/article about how Lady Gaga saved this couple $$$. They had a Gaga jar; everytime they heard Lady Gaga on the radio they donated one dollar to the jar. Over a year they saved over 6 thousand! Brilliant!!! I probably won’t do that, but I do need to sort out all my debt. Paying more in student loans than rent puts a serious dent in my funds, despite working three jobs. Any tips about saving money are greatly appreciated.

Finally, change the name of the blog.
I am changing the blog name because my blog (idea) has changed. I am taking my current life and upgrading it :)

More to come!
Kate

Love yourself

Read this.

xo

Health comes first

Confessions.

I look in the mirror everyday and tell myself "I like the way I look"....naked.

Yup. I actually do that.

At first it was horrifying (at least I felt like it was), and I had a hard time doing it. But let me tell you, I am actually okay with my body.

I have got curves, and I am a little "soft" but thats not really what bothers me...now.

My health is what terrifies me.

A few nights ago I was having some night time anxiety, and when Tom woke up to ask what was going on all I could think about was "I don't want to die because of somthing that I have control over but don't do anything about."

My last doctor visit we spent some time discussing my weight in relation to my health. Very bluntly she told me that if I lost the weight that my future health would be significantly better, not to mention being proactive could reduce future problems (goodbye risk of diabetes!). There is nothing more grounding than a verbal whooping by an M.D. <- This seems to be a trend with my recent medical visits..hmmm.

It's no secret that I am not the best at taking care of my body the way it should be (or wants to be) so this is a big goal.

Next topic: a life coaches approach to finding and reaching your goals. This ones fantastic!

Much love.

Kate

A new day

Recently, a friend of mine told me I need to come back.

I was on hiatus. I wish I had good reason, but no. This is kind of what I do. It's sort of the story of my life. I begin something, am really excited about it then slowly lose interest or find something else that is more exciting and leave -what was- behind.

I initially wanted to post at the very beginning of January, but I am glad I didn't because it gave me some time to sort out my future goals.

I, personally, have an issue with making resolutions. Mostly because I never keep them. Never.

Jessica sent me an e-mail today with her 10 goals for the New Year, which gave me the kick in the butt I needed to put mine down in writing. However, these are my life goals, not just for the new year.

*

1) I will be more conscious of my intake AND my output.
-By this I mean that I will make a concerted effort to be aware of what I am putting into my body on a daily basis and I will give my energy back to to world -in this case exercise.

2) I will give more output or positive energy back to the world.
-By this I mean my attitude. I have been making an effort the past few weeks to say hello to all my co-workers in the morning. I am the WORST morning person and I usually get into work around 7:15 with a pretty crappy attitude. By starting with something small like saying "good morning" to others I am already feeling better about myself and my output. Now if I can do that when I first wake up (Tom would probably like morning Kate a whole lot more).

3) I will cook more of my meals and eat less of them "out."

4) I will tell myself everyday that I am not just good enough but fabulous.
-This, by the way, makes me FEEL fabulous.

5) I will wear earrings more often, because they make me feel pretty.

6) I will freak out about money less.
-This happens more than I care to admit.

7) I will read more.

8) I will tell the people that I love "I love you" more often.

*

And I think that this is a good start.

I am hoping to get back to blogging more often, not daily, but at least a few times a week.

So that's it for today. I have a snow day tomorrow, and have several blog topics to explore. Stay tuned.

Also! I want to tell Jessica that I LOVE HER! And I am so glad that I made my way into your goals for the year! xoxo

-Kate

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in" - Morrie Schwartz