Why not eat your cake?

This http://http://anotherpieceofcake.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/for-once-im-siding-with-marie-claire is amazing.

This is one of the blogs that I follow. She doesn't talk about calories, or post pictures of her food. She writes responsibly and with cause. This is what I strive for.

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I know in my previous posts I discussed my calorie intake and even posted pictures of what I was eating. Now I realize that it was obsessive, irresponsible and NOT healthy (in several ways).

One of the most difficult parts of my life over the past few years has been gaining more and more self awareness everyday. (I have been pretty blessed to have some amazing counselors, supervisors, mentors and friends who have helped me become aware of who I am - I would not have been able to do that on my own). However, with that self awareness comes accepting certain things about myself that I can't change, and realizing things about myself that I CAN'T STAND and now I am trying to figure out how to work on changing those things.

One of those things I can't stand is my relationship with food. The best way to describe it is love/hate. I love to eat and hate the feelings I have after I eat, be it the engorged feeling, the feelings of guilt....you get the point.
I want to be someone who doesn't have to think about it, who doesn't obsess over it. Someone who doesn't feel the need to micromanage every damn calorie that I put into my body. However, I also don't want to be the person that "gives up" and binges on an entire bag of Doritoes or eats 3 brownies for lunch, just because "I'll start my diet tomorrow." I just want to have a neutral relationship with food...I think.

Another thing is my body image. This is a work in progress. I am still trying to figure out how to work this one out.
Things I have been considering to help increase a good self image:
Joining a Goddess group.
Putting a ban on any and all fashion,"womens health" and all the other crap magazines out there that lead me to compare myself to a standard that is out-freaking-rageous.
Cutting myself off from the rest of the world so I have nothing else to compare myself to.

Also, I think in order for me to get a handle on a positive self image I need to STOP posting everything I eat in the day. I think that was counteractive to my ultimate goals, and will hopefully put off some of my obsessional food thoughts and habits.

My ultimate goals are still pretty much the same. I am adding a goal to decrease obsessional thoughts about food and numbers.

With that thought I am going back to creating the "Mantra Wall" for my office, and I will start practicing what I preach.

xoxo
Kate