I am a big fan of the website postsecret.com. I love the idea of people being able to share some of their most embarrassing, scary, funny and personal secrets with the world without having to face judgment. I also think that when a person finally reveals a secret they often find comfort in not having to hold onto it anymore. There is something freeing about sharing the secret..it no longer burdens your soul and often, if shared with the right people, others share similar feelings.
There are some secrets of my own that I have not shared with people and would like to let them go. Many of them are from the past but I have been holding on to them as if they provided me with an odd sense of security. But they no longer have a place and now they are just uncomfortable. So I want to put a couple of them out there, I need to let them go.
*I used to engage in some very unhealthy food activities. I would "secretly" go to fast food places and order up. Eat in the car, then try to "hide the evidence." I had become so embarrassed of my eating habits that I would literally try to hide the junk I would eat. IF I would get "caught" I would feel horrible about myself for days-but continue to eat junk.
AND
*I often would ignore my "hunger signals" especially when my body was telling me I was full, but I would continue to eat.
I am sure I will have more to share in the future.
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Today was an ok day. I had two parties which means lots of junk food available. Since Friday is bagel day, and I love bagels, I decided that I was definitely going to eat one. Then I did my best to manage the rest of my choices throughout the rest of the day.
Shout out to JessWils for sending me a super motivating snail mail card-THANKS! I miss you!
Quote of the day: A writer should have this little voice inside of you saying, Tell the truth. Reveal a few secrets here. -Quentin Tarantino
What I ate:
Low fat Banana muffin (thank you Dori)
Fruit Salad
Bagel with Cream Cheese
Orange
Banana
Handful of chips
3 Jumble cookies
1 1/2 Sam Adams Light
Apple
Cheerios
Orange
Also, Check out this article I LOVE it:
http://jezebel.com/5155912/dear-restaurant-servers-stop-being-conspiratorial-about-dessert
Always
-K
I too have been a "closet eater" in the past. I would be so embarrassed about the quantity of food I would put away that I didn't want anyone else to see. I've also engaged in some other unhealthy tactics while dieting in the past. I've taken diet pills to suppress my appetite and have had periods of unhealthy under-eating. I've also done other things that I'm embarrassed to admit. For example, when you do Weight Watchers, there is the weekly weigh-in. I was so fixated on losing weight at each weigh-in that sometimes I would take laxatives the night before in the hopes of increasing my weight loss or undoing a not-so-good-week. I think that's even more disturbing than the closet eating or the diet pills, really a warning sign of an eating disorder. And, in the end, it probably didn't add too much to my weight loss while being extremely dangerous. Fortunately, I didn't do it often and I haven't done anything like that in years. Those kind of habits were probably a gateway to bulimia.
ReplyDeleteSo, this time, in addition to weight loss, my main goal is to try not to be so obsessive about food. I think I've told you that I've decided that three bigger meals are better for me than lots of smaller meals. I've tried eating smaller meals in the past and I found that it makes my whole life revolve around my diet because I was always hungry and always fantasizing about what I would be eating next. I need to have that sensation of being full and satisfied and a 200 or 250 calorie meal does not provide that for me. I've realized that there's a difference between being obsessive about your diet and being mindful about what you eat by controlling your portions and generally making healthy choices. My next goal is to try to have a longer-term perspective on my eating and exercising habits. I think when you have a lot of weight to lose (I've lost more than 30 pounds and would like to lose at least another 30), you sometimes begin to lose patience with the process--you want that weight off now!--while the reality is that 60 pounds is not going to come off overnight. Rather than focusing on losing weight every single week or losing a specific amount every week, I want to look more at the bigger picture and stop obsessing over each individual week's loss, especially now that I weigh less and it will be more difficult to lose.