Yesterday I made a purchase for the intentions of wearing it as the "future me." While in the fitting room trying on all the "future me" finds the girl in the room next to me was asking the waiting room attendant to help her find a new size. I hear the girl grunt and swear and then she asks for a new size (an 8 by the way) and when the attendant comes to help the girl apologizes and says "Sorry, I am fat."
My first thought was: Girl please. A size 8 is not even close to being fat. However, the more it settled in my brain the more I could understand where this girl was coming from.
I guarantee that if I asked every single one of my female friends (about their body image) they would all have something to complain about -no matter how thin and beautiful I perceive them (and all of my friends are beautiful).
Here is my issue: How did we get to a point where being a size 8 is fat? How have we all developed these warped body images? Why do we feel the need to apologize for our bodies?
And bigger still, why do I do all of the things I have an issue with?
At a size 12 I consider myself "chubby" (why else would I be writing this blog?). There are days I look in the mirror and scoff at my "love handles" or my "thunder thighs." Then there are days I don't even bother looking in the mirror because I know BOB (Belly Over Belt) will be there. God! I even APOLOGIZE to others for being fat. I don't think I have ever said those exact words as the dressing room girl did, but I certainly pick out outfits and bathing suits to protect people from being exposed to all my wobbly bits.
No wonder my self image suffers.
So here is my next challenge: I need to change my self perception.
The way I perceive others is so often not how they view themselves, and I know that it goes the same for how others view me and how I perceive myself.
My personal goal is not to be a twig, its not even about clothing size, but it's about feeling better. While I want to "look good" I really just want to feel good. But how do you do that when you look at yourself and think yuck or apologize to others for your size?
Consider me open to suggestions.
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My first thought was: Girl please. A size 8 is not even close to being fat. However, the more it settled in my brain the more I could understand where this girl was coming from.
I guarantee that if I asked every single one of my female friends (about their body image) they would all have something to complain about -no matter how thin and beautiful I perceive them (and all of my friends are beautiful).
Here is my issue: How did we get to a point where being a size 8 is fat? How have we all developed these warped body images? Why do we feel the need to apologize for our bodies?
And bigger still, why do I do all of the things I have an issue with?
At a size 12 I consider myself "chubby" (why else would I be writing this blog?). There are days I look in the mirror and scoff at my "love handles" or my "thunder thighs." Then there are days I don't even bother looking in the mirror because I know BOB (Belly Over Belt) will be there. God! I even APOLOGIZE to others for being fat. I don't think I have ever said those exact words as the dressing room girl did, but I certainly pick out outfits and bathing suits to protect people from being exposed to all my wobbly bits.
No wonder my self image suffers.
So here is my next challenge: I need to change my self perception.
The way I perceive others is so often not how they view themselves, and I know that it goes the same for how others view me and how I perceive myself.
My personal goal is not to be a twig, its not even about clothing size, but it's about feeling better. While I want to "look good" I really just want to feel good. But how do you do that when you look at yourself and think yuck or apologize to others for your size?
Consider me open to suggestions.
**************************************
Today's shout out goes to the girl in the dressing room. I don't know you but I am sending you some love.
The obvious quote of the day: "Sorry, I am fat"
What I ate:
1tbs PB and jelly on light whole wheat bread
Apple
1 cup American Chop Suey
Carrots with 1/2 tbs hummus (my new favorite snack)
Granola bar
1 cup Watermelon
The other half of my mammoth orange
Salad
1 cup Crock Pot Turkey chili (thank you Tom)
1/2 cup brown rice
Strawberry Smoothie-got to get some calcium in there!
love love love.
-K
The obvious quote of the day: "Sorry, I am fat"
What I ate:
1tbs PB and jelly on light whole wheat bread
Apple
1 cup American Chop Suey
Carrots with 1/2 tbs hummus (my new favorite snack)
Granola bar
1 cup Watermelon
The other half of my mammoth orange
Salad
1 cup Crock Pot Turkey chili (thank you Tom)
1/2 cup brown rice
Strawberry Smoothie-got to get some calcium in there!
love love love.
-K
I have definitely been the girl in the next dressing room, except in the past I have just given up if I didn't fit into the first size because I was too embarrassed to admit I needed a bigger size. But one thing I keep reminding myself that sizes are different in every store. You could be a size 4 in one store and an 8 in the next. Size ain't nothing but a number
ReplyDeleteI have so much to say about this I don't know where to begin. I just got back from shopping at Macys on my lunch hour and I just want to kill someone.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing: woman's clothes suck. How can I be wearing a size 12 out of my closet and can't even fit into a size 16 in the store? This is why that poor girl feels like she is fat! 12 is the new 8! Second...there is hardly anything pretty for us size 12+. I am not plus size! I have noticed lately that plus size clothes now start at size 12. Bullshit!
The next thing is the warped body image problem we have in this country, especially out west here. There are so many skinny girls running around with huge breasts, tiny waists and no cellulite. Plastic surgery is to blame obviously. I am starting to refuse to buy anything from places like Vic's secret who do nothing but advertise that body shape. You poor young girls...How old are you Kate...in your 20s right? When I was in my 20s my body shape was still considered a little chubby but it was NORMAL! Girls got nose jobs for their 16 birthdays, not mother/daughter boob and liposuction jobs.
I am so glad I have a boy. No body image problems there. He (and Bruce) can go into the store and buy an armload of clothes without even trying them on and EVERY single piece fits.
I have to apologize to myself all the time because I can't find clothes that fit me because I am curvy. Like you my goal is to quit doing that too.
I hope I didn't rant too much...you can kick me off your blog if you want!!
How sad. I was a size 8 when I was in the best shape of my life and I absolutely was not, by any objective or subjective measure, fat. Body image problems certainly run rampant in Italy as well, especially this part of the country. And I can't tell you how many times people asked or assumed that I was pregnant before I started losing weight. It was really embarrassing. Whereas the feminine ideal here used to be the voluptuous Sophia Loren, it's morphed into something more akin to what Kate Moss looked like 15-20 years ago. I guess it's not surprising in a country where calling someone "fatty" is a term of affection.
ReplyDeletePatti, I love it! It's actually good to hear that so many people share my similar gripes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback :)
T- I wondered what body image was like there. I assumed that because they all walk around naked that they had a more positive outlook...so this is interesting.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's so much a matter of having a positive outlook as just not generally having hang-ups about nudity and sexuality. Perhaps it's partially genetics but there are really very few fat people in this part of the country.
ReplyDeleteI remember being shocked last weekend when Gordon and I were doing some testing with a group of about 60 teenagers and not a single one of them was fat. Can you imagine that in America? I think Italians are among the most image (body and otherwise) conscious people in the world. Just think about the whole concept of the "bella figura"--of always looking and behaving the "right way." However, whereas the standard of beauty used to be a realistic and healthy one, it's now become more unattainable for the average person both in terms of size and features.
There's also another dimension to the situation that's even more disturbing--the lack of positive Italian role models on television and in advertising, especially for women. There's been a horrible trend in this country lately of television programs having what are called "veline." "Veline" are very attractive women who prance around in skimpy clothes and usually say very little. Not only do these women appear on lighthearted programs but also on serious ones such as current events shows. Just try to imagine a news show on CNN having women prancing around and posing while journalists and politicians debated each other. In addition to being silent arm candy, these women often perform stunts such as showering in front of the audience or acting like tables for the usually middle-aged and often rather unattractive male presenters. Even regular women on TV shows are often treated like chattel. I remember watching the Italian Wheel of Fortune once and being shocked that the presenter was commenting on the women's breasts--openly and repeatedly. It's like the country has stepped back into the dark ages in that respect. What's even worse (or maybe better if you're Italian) is that hardly any of the veline are Italian. Most of them are tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, fair, thin Eastern Europeans who represent someone's version of the physical ideal in this country which doesn't match what most of the women here look like. The same is true for the models in most advertising here--they're very rarely Italian. (As an aside, even in circulars here if you have a photo of a family, quite often one of the parents is dark-haired and olive-skinned while the other parent and the children look like Swedes. That's not to say that there aren't blonde-haired blue eyed Italians--there are quite a few--but they hardly represent the majority, even in Northern Italy. They're just waaay over-represented in advertising.) So not only is television and advertising presenting an image of women that is often demeaning but it's often with women who have physical features that are not attainable for most Italian women. On top of that, thin is most definitely in here and there are lots of women walking around who are way too thin--much thinner than just a generation ago.
Here's a link to an article that appeared in The New York Times last year about the portrayal of women in Italian media:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/18/arts/18iht-women.html?_r=2&ref=arts
And here's a link to the documentary that's referred to in the article with English subtitles:
http://www.ilcorpodelledonne.net/?page_id=91
Tina, thank you for sharing that. I actually find it a little comforting that its not just the US that promotes a very unhealthy/unrealistic ideal woman.
ReplyDelete